Netflix to Scrap DVDs for Pizza

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With streaming video on the rise, Netflix is forced to make a major change, but not everyone is happy about it.

 

Los Gatos, CA

Only two years after Blockbuster bailed out of the DVD rental business and closed its retail operations in the U.S., the company that some claim is responsible for it’s demise is now following suit. In a Wednesday morning press release, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings announced that the company’s DVD rental-by-mail service, the foundation on which the home entertainment giant was built, will be scrapped.

“The majority of our business now comes from streaming,” Hastings explained. “Most of our subscribers are using Netflix to binge-watch House of Cards on their Smart TVs while eating pizza in their pajamas for three days straight. They don’t have time to wait on a new DVD to show up.”

To cater to it’s new couch-potato demographic, Netflix has decided to drop it’s DVD service in favor of something more useful – pizza delivery.

Starting April 1st, subscribers who opt in to the service will get a notification every four hours to remind them to eat something. They’ll be able to browse through a list of pizza recommendations and delivery options based on their viewing history. Breaking Bad viewers, for example, can choose rooftop delivery if the door is locked. The new service will utilize a network of local pizza chains until the FAA gives approval for delivery-by-drone, which Hastings anticipates by 2017.

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Prices for pizza delivery start at $19.99 for individual orders, or $499 monthly for unlimited pies, conveniently charged to the customer’s account. Subscribers to the unlimited plan will also receive a complimentary stain-proof shirt with their first order.

In response to complaints from customers who still prefer traditional DVDs, Hastings said, “Seriously? If you’ve got that much energy, drive down to Walgreen’s and get a Redbox.”

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